What if We Reconcile During Divorce Mediation?

If you and your spouse begin to reconsider the divorce partway through mediation, you can stop. If a divorce case has been filed and it appears there is a reasonable possibility of reconciliation, the court shall continue the proceeding for a period not to exceed 30 days (Family Code section 2334). Agreements you have signed, and your duties to share financial information, still matter whichever way you decide.

You may not have expected this question. Perhaps you and your spouse came to mediation to work out a divorce, and somewhere between talking about the house, the children's schedule and the bank accounts, something shifted. One of you, or both, now wonders whether the marriage is really over. You are trying to understand what happens to the case, the paperwork and the work you have already done if you step back. Some of you may also be wondering whether raising the idea is allowed at all.

This article explains what reconciliation means while a divorce mediation is under way in California. It covers how the court case is affected, what happens to disclosures and signed agreements, how reconciliation relates to the date of separation, and how mediation can serve either path. It is written for couples in San Diego County and, through online mediation, anywhere in California.

What Reconciliation During Divorce Mediation Means

Reconciliation means both spouses decide to resume the marriage and halt the divorce, which California law calls a dissolution proceeding. It is a shared decision about the relationship, not a legal form, though it has legal consequences for the case you may have filed.

Mediation leaves room for that decision because of what mediation is. Evidence Code section 1115 defines mediation as "a process in which a neutral person or persons facilitate communication between the disputants to assist them in reaching a mutually acceptable agreement." The mediator is that neutral person. The mediator does not decide the outcome, does not represent either of you, and does not act as either spouse's lawyer.

Because private mediation is built on agreement, either of you can raise reconciliation at any point. The mediator does not push toward divorce or toward staying married. The mediator's job is to help the two of you talk clearly about what each of you wants, so that whatever you decide is your decision.

Private divorce mediation is a different thing from the court's child custody mediation, which has its own rules. Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice and is not connected to the court or to Family Court Services.

How the California Divorce Case Is Affected When a Couple Reconciles

In San Diego County, family law cases are heard by the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego; where a case is filed depends on the spouses' circumstances, such as where they live.

Family Code section 2334 speaks to reconciliation in a filed case. If it appears that there is a reasonable possibility of reconciliation, the court shall continue, or pause, the proceeding for a period not to exceed 30 days. During that pause, the court may make orders for the support and maintenance of the parties, the custody of the minor children, the support of children for whom support may be ordered, attorney's fees, and the preservation of the parties' property. After the pause ends, either spouse may ask the court to move ahead with the divorce or legal separation.

The waiting period is also part of this picture. Family Code section 2339 provides that, subject to its listed exceptions, no judgment of dissolution is final to end the marriage "until six months have expired from the date of service of a copy of summons and petition or the date of appearance of the respondent, whichever occurs first." The court may extend that period for good cause. Until that period has expired, no judgment of dissolution is final for the purpose of ending the marriage.

Confidentiality also carries over. Under Evidence Code section 1119, except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, what is said and written in a private mediation is generally not admissible or subject to discovery, and communications between participants stay confidential. Section 1119 does not make that protection depend on how the case ends. It is not absolute, and signed agreements are treated differently, as the next section explains.

What Happens to Disclosures and Agreements Made During Mediation

Mediation does not remove the duty of financial disclosure. A declaration of disclosure is a sworn form listing a spouse's assets, debts and income. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or within 60 days of filing it, and the respondent serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent responds before a default judgment, the petitioner has 30 days from that response. These times may be extended by written agreement of the parties or by court order.

The final declaration of disclosure comes later. Under Family Code section 2105(a), except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time the parties enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. The spouses may instead mutually waive the final declaration. Under section 2105(d), that waiver is executed under penalty of perjury in open court or by separate stipulation, and it must include the representations that subdivision lists, including that both spouses completed and exchanged preliminary declarations and current income and expense declarations and that the waiver is knowingly, intelligently and voluntarily entered into. More detail appears in our guide to financial disclosure in divorce mediation.

Agreements raise their own questions. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement prepared in the course of, or pursuant to, a mediation is not made inadmissible, or protected from disclosure, by the mediation chapter if it is signed by the settling parties and any of these is true: it says it is admissible or subject to disclosure; it says it is enforceable or binding; all parties expressly agree to its disclosure, in writing or orally as the Evidence Code allows; or it is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute. Our page on how a divorce mediation agreement works walks through how those documents are built.

Unsigned drafts and notes are different. A writing prepared for the purpose of, in the course of, or pursuant to a mediation is generally not admissible or subject to discovery under Evidence Code section 1119(b), except as the mediation chapter otherwise provides.

Reconciliation and the Date of Separation Under California Law

Family Code section 70 defines the date of separation as "the date that a complete and final break in the marital relationship has occurred." The statute requires evidence of both of two things: the spouse has expressed to the other spouse the intent to end the marriage, and the spouse's conduct is consistent with that intent. Neither one alone is enough. The court considers all relevant evidence.

Reconciliation can raise this question, even for couples who later separate again. Section 70 looks at what each spouse expressed and how each acted, and the court considers all relevant evidence, so there is no fixed formula.

How Mediation Can Support Either Path — Divorce or Reconciliation

Mediation may help a couple get clear on what each of them wants, whatever they decide. Because the process helps both spouses communicate and reach agreements they both accept, it can bring into the open what each of you wants and needs. That understanding may inform a decision about the marriage itself.

If you reconcile, what you learned about your finances, property and parenting does not disappear. Couples who decide to stay married but live apart may also look at legal separation mediation as a separate option.

If you continue with the divorce, the work you have done toward agreements on property, support and parenting may still be useful. If talks stall instead, our explainer on what happens if mediation fails describes what follows.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and no one should feel pressed to mediate with the other spouse. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Throughout, the mediator stays neutral. The mediator does not represent, advocate for or protect either spouse, and does not decide anything for you. Either of you may have a lawyer of your own.

If You and Your Spouse Would Like to Talk About Mediation

Reconsidering a divorce midway raises practical questions: what has been filed, what has been signed, and where disclosures stand. A consultation is a place to raise those questions, at whatever pace suits you and your spouse, in San Diego County or online anywhere in California. To schedule a joint mediation consultation for you and your spouse, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-08.