Divorce Mediation in San Diego County, California

Divorce mediation is a process in which a neutral mediator helps you and your spouse talk through your divorce so you can reach an agreement you both accept on property, support and parenting. The mediator does not take sides or decide anything. Your signed agreement then goes to the court so it can become part of your divorce judgment.

Most people searching for divorce mediation in San Diego have already made the hardest decision, which is that the marriage is ending. What remains open is how. You and your spouse may still be living under one roof in Chula Vista or Oceanside, or already apart, trying to work out who keeps the house, how the children will move between two homes, and whether the two of you can settle all of this without each hiring a lawyer to argue for you in court. Often one spouse is doing the reading for both, looking for a plain account of what mediation is, what it can settle, and where its limits sit.

This page is that account. Simple Divorce Mediation mediates California divorces for couples in San Diego County and, online, for couples anywhere in California. Everything below is written for both of you.

What Divorce Mediation Is — and What It Is Not

California Evidence Code section 1115 defines mediation as a process in which a neutral person facilitates communication between the people in a dispute to help them reach a mutually acceptable agreement. The mediator is that neutral person. In a divorce, that means the mediator's job is to help you and your spouse talk, sort through the issues, and find terms you can both sign.

The role has firm edges. A mediator does not represent either spouse, does not advocate for one of you, and does not act as either spouse's lawyer. A mediator also does not decide anything. If you and your spouse do not agree on an issue, it stays open; no one in the room rules on it for you.

Either of you may have a lawyer of your own, before, during or after mediation. That is a choice each spouse makes, not a requirement. Some couples mediate without separate lawyers; others have one spouse or both consult counsel along the way. Either approach fits within the process.

There is a second kind of mediation that people in San Diego County often hear about, and it is different. When a court filing shows that custody or visitation is contested, Family Code section 3170 requires the court to set those contested issues for mediation. In San Diego County, that court process is child custody recommending counseling with Family Court Services of the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego. Under Family Code section 3183, if the parents do not reach agreement, the Family Court Counselor may, consistent with local court rules, make a written recommendation to the court about custody and visitation, and the court hearing goes forward. The judge decides, and the counselor's recommendation is part of what the judge considers.

Private divorce mediation is something you and your spouse choose together. Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice. It is not part of the court, Family Court Services or any government program, and private mediation does not replace the court's process when that process applies.

What You and Your Spouse Can Resolve Through Mediation

Community property. California is a community property state. Family Code section 2550 directs the court to divide the community estate (generally, what the two of you acquired during the marriage) equally, unless you agree otherwise in writing or on the record in court. Mediation is where many couples work out how that equal division looks in practice: who keeps which account, vehicle or home, and how the totals balance.

Valuation. For the court's purposes, Family Code section 2552 says assets and debts are valued as near as practicable to the time of trial. With 30 days' notice and good cause, the court may use a date after separation and before trial for some or all of them. Values change over time, so the timing of a number matters when you and your spouse are comparing what each of you would receive.

Separate property and reimbursement. Separate property is generally what a spouse owned before marriage or received by gift or inheritance. Family Code section 2640 addresses one situation: when one spouse puts separate-property money toward acquiring community property, such as a down payment, improvements or paying down loan principal. That spouse is generally reimbursed for contributions they can trace to a separate source, without interest and capped at the property's net value, unless they waived the right in writing. Section 2640 also provides reimbursement for separate-property contributions to the other spouse's separate property, unless there was a written transmutation or waiver.

The reverse situation is different. When community money pays down the loan on a home that is one spouse's separate property, the community may acquire a share of that home under case law commonly called Moore/Marsden. These are two separate rules for two opposite facts, and couples in mediation often need to sort out which one, if either, applies to their home.

Businesses. If either of you owns a business or professional practice, its value can include goodwill, and that value is decided on the evidence, often with the help of experts. In mediation, you and your spouse can decide how to gather that information and how to handle the business in the division.

Spousal support. You and your spouse may negotiate whether one of you will pay support to the other, how much and for how long, and whether and how it can change later. Those terms become part of what you submit to the court.

Child support. Parents may agree on child support, but Family Code section 4065(a) makes that agreement subject to the court's approval. The court will not approve an amount below the statewide guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following: they are fully informed of their rights concerning child support; the order is agreed to without coercion or duress; the agreement is in the best interests of the children; the children's needs will be adequately met by the agreed amount; and the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending.

Parenting plan. Parents may reach their own agreement on custody and visitation in private mediation, including schedules, holidays, school decisions and how you will communicate as co-parents.

Financial disclosure. Mediation does not remove or shorten the duty of financial disclosure. Each spouse serves a preliminary declaration of disclosure, a sworn statement of assets, debts and income that includes the last two years of tax returns, on the timeline in Family Code section 2104(f). Each spouse also serves a final declaration of disclosure under Family Code section 2105(a) before or at the time you agree on property or support, unless you both waive it. One spouse cannot waive it alone. The timing rules for both appear in the next section.

How the California Divorce Process Works Alongside Mediation

Mediation happens inside the court process, not around it. For a couple in San Diego, Escondido or El Cajon, a divorce begins with one spouse filing a petition in the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego. The other spouse is the respondent and may file a response.

The waiting period. Under Family Code section 2339, a divorce judgment cannot end the marriage until six months have passed from the date the summons and petition were served on the respondent or the date the respondent appeared in the case, whichever came first. The clock does not start at filing. The court may extend the period for good cause. Mediation can happen during these months, and many couples use that time to work through their issues.

Disclosure timing. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or within 60 days of filing it, and the respondent serves theirs with the response or within 60 days of filing it. Those periods may be extended by written agreement or court order. Under Family Code section 2105(a), the final declaration of disclosure, along with a current income and expense declaration, is served before or at the time you agree on property or support, unless you mutually waive the final declaration. Both declarations are signed under penalty of perjury, and perjury on either may be grounds for setting aside the judgment. Many couples gather these documents as part of preparing for mediation, because the numbers in them are the numbers the agreement rests on.

From agreement to judgment. Mediation produces a written agreement, not a court order. The agreement is submitted to the court so it can become part of your judgment.

Summary dissolution. Some couples qualify for a simpler court procedure called summary dissolution under Family Code section 2400. The requirements include, among others, that there are no children of the relationship, the marriage lasted no more than five years as of the date of separation, and neither spouse has an interest in real property other than certain residential leases. The financial limits are set by statute and adjusted periodically under section 2400(b). Mediation can still help a couple who qualifies decide how to divide what they have.

Statewide reach. The same California rules apply in Sacramento or Fresno as in Carlsbad, which is why online mediation can serve couples anywhere in California, not only those in San Diego County.

Confidentiality in Mediation — What California Law Actually Says

Evidence Code section 1119 is the core rule. Except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, anything said and any writing prepared for, during or under a mediation, or a mediation consultation, is not admissible and not subject to discovery in civil and other noncriminal proceedings, and communications between participants in the mediation remain confidential. A mediation consultation, under section 1115, is a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of initiating, considering or reconvening a mediation or retaining the mediator.

That protection is strong, but it is not absolute. The mediation chapter has its own exceptions. One that matters for nearly every divorce is Evidence Code section 1123, which covers the written settlement agreement itself. A written agreement prepared in mediation and signed by the settling spouses can be admitted or disclosed if any of these is true:

• the agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure;
• the agreement says it is enforceable or binding;
• all parties expressly agree in writing, or orally if the oral agreement meets the specific requirements the Evidence Code sets for oral agreements, to its disclosure; or
• the agreement is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute.

A divorce settlement is usually meant to be enforceable and binding, so the final agreement is often a document that can be used in court. The discussion that led to it is a different matter.

It also helps to separate the process from the paperwork. The conversations in mediation are protected as section 1119 describes. Documents filed with the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, including the judgment that incorporates your agreement, are court records and are generally not confidential in the same way.

When Mediation May — and May Not — Be the Right Path

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Safety comes first. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order between you and your spouse, mediating together is not something this page encourages. Mediation depends on each spouse being able to speak freely and say no without fear. The law also treats these situations differently: Family Code section 3170(b) provides that domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate protocol. A spouse in that situation may want to speak with a lawyer of their own about how their case can proceed.

Mediation may not be right for every couple even without safety concerns. It works when both spouses take part in good faith, share complete financial information and are willing to consider terms that are not their first choice. If one spouse will not participate, or if one of you does not trust the other's disclosures, those issues often need attention before an agreement is possible. Some couples resolve part of their divorce in mediation, such as the parenting plan, and leave other issues for the court.

When it does fit, mediation may be less adversarial than litigation, and it may take less time or cost less, depending on the couple and the issues. It can also give you and your spouse more say over the details than a court ruling would. Outcomes vary from couple to couple, and the process makes no promise about the result.

It also helps to be clear about what mediation does not do. The mediator does not give either spouse one-sided advice, does not push either of you toward terms, and does not rule on anything you cannot agree on. A couple who reaches an impasse on an issue keeps every option the law already gives them.

Divorce Mediation for San Diego County Couples — and Across California

Simple Divorce Mediation serves couples throughout San Diego County and, through online mediation, couples anywhere in California. In the city of San Diego and in South County communities such as Chula Vista, National City, Lemon Grove and Spring Valley, couples come to mediation with the same questions about homes, retirement accounts, support and parenting schedules.

The same is true in East County, in El Cajon, La Mesa, Santee and Lakeside, and inland in Escondido, Poway and San Marcos. Along the coast and in North County, couples in Oceanside, Carlsbad, Vista, Encinitas, Solana Beach and Del Mar work through the same California rules, because the Family Code does not change from one community to the next.

For a San Diego County couple, the court that hears the divorce is the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego. That is where the petition is filed and where the mediated agreement is submitted for judgment, and it is the court whose Family Court Services handles custody recommending counseling when custody or visitation is contested.

Beyond San Diego County, online mediation gives couples elsewhere in California access to the same process under the same statutes. A couple in Oceanside and a couple in another part of the state face the same disclosure duties, the same six-month waiting period and the same rules on child support agreements. Their divorce is filed in the superior court of their own county.

Working With Simple Divorce Mediation

Simple Divorce Mediation helps couples in San Diego County and across California work through the issues their divorce requires, without taking sides. The practice's focus is mediation as a method: helping two people reach terms on property, support and parenting that both of them accept, and that both understand.

"Simple" here means making divorce simpler through mediation. It does not mean the issues are small. A divorce can involve a family home, a business, retirement savings and the daily lives of children, and each of those deserves care. What mediation offers is a structured way for you and your spouse to work through them together, with plain-English explanations of the rules that apply, so that the agreement you sign reflects decisions you made rather than decisions made for you.

When a couple reaches agreement on everything, the result is a written settlement to submit to the court. When a couple agrees on some issues and not others, a partial agreement still narrows what remains. Either way, the decisions stay with the two of you.

Talk With Simple Divorce Mediation About Your Divorce

Every divorce has its own mix of questions: a home bought before the marriage, a business, a child support figure, a parenting schedule that has to work for two households. Whether mediation fits depends on those details and on how you and your spouse are able to talk with each other. A consultation is a place to raise those details and ask how mediation would handle them. If either of you has safety concerns, those come before any conversation about mediation.

When you and your spouse are ready to talk it through, Simple Divorce Mediation is available for a joint mediation consultation at 858-330-1378.