Divorce Mediation Terms: A Plain-English Glossary for California Couples

If you and your spouse are considering divorce mediation in California, the key terms are simpler than they sound. Mediation means a neutral person helps you talk and reach an agreement you both accept. The other words, such as community property, support, custody and disclosure, describe what you will work through and what the law still requires.

You may be reading on your own or on behalf of both spouses, trying to decide whether mediation is even an option. The vocabulary can make it feel like you need a law degree before you can ask a first question. You don't. This glossary walks through each term in the order it tends to come up, so that you and your spouse can talk about your choices with the same words, whether you live in San Diego County or anywhere else in California and are thinking about mediating online.

What Divorce Mediation Means Under California Law

California defines mediation in Evidence Code section 1115 as "a process in which a neutral person or persons facilitate communication between the disputants to assist them in reaching a mutually acceptable agreement." The same section defines a mediator as "a neutral person who conducts a mediation."

That word "neutral" carries the whole idea. A mediator does not represent, advocate for or protect either spouse. A mediator is not either spouse's lawyer, and a mediator does not decide anything for you. The decisions stay with the two of you. Either spouse may have a lawyer of their own during mediation. Neither of you is required to, and neither of you is barred from it.

Private divorce mediation, the subject of this page, is a separate thing from the court's child custody mediation. The court process lives in its own chapter of the Family Code. Under Family Code section 3170, when a court filing shows that custody, visitation or both are contested, the court must set those contested issues for mediation. In San Diego County, the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, provides it through its Family Court Services as child custody recommending counseling.

The court's counselor plays a different role than a private mediator. Under Family Code section 3183(a), except as section 3188 provides, that mediator may, consistent with local court rules, make a recommendation to the court about custody or visitation, if the recommendation is first given in writing to the parties and their attorneys before the hearing. A mediator with that authority is called a child custody recommending counselor; Family Court Services calls this person the Family Court Counselor. Family Court Services says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides.

Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice. It is not connected to the court, to Family Court Services or to any government program. To learn more about how the two processes compare, see this overview of child custody mediation.

Confidentiality in Mediation: What Evidence Code Section 1119 Actually Says

Evidence Code section 1119 is the main confidentiality rule for private mediation. Except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, anything said and any admission made for the purpose of, in the course of, or pursuant to a mediation or a mediation consultation is not admissible or subject to discovery, and disclosure cannot be compelled, in any arbitration, administrative adjudication, civil action or other noncriminal proceeding where testimony can be compelled. Writings prepared for the mediation are covered the same way.

Confidentiality in mediation is not absolute. The chapter has exceptions, and one concerns settlement agreements. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement prepared in the course of, or pursuant to, a mediation is not protected from disclosure if the settling parties sign it and any one of these conditions is met:

• The agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure, or words to that effect.
• The agreement says it is enforceable or binding, or words to that effect.
• All parties expressly agree in writing, or orally as the Evidence Code allows, to its disclosure.
• The agreement is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute.

So a mediated settlement agreement is not always private and not always inadmissible.

A mediation consultation, under Evidence Code section 1115(c), is "a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of initiating, considering, or reconvening a mediation or retaining the mediator." That is a definition of the term, not a promise about any particular conversation.

If either spouse has a lawyer, then except in a class or representative action, Evidence Code section 1129 requires that lawyer to give the client a printed disclosure of the section 1119 confidentiality restrictions, and get the client's signed acknowledgment, as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate in the mediation or a mediation consultation, or as soon as reasonably possible after being retained if the lawyer is hired later.

These Evidence Code rules do not govern the court's custody mediation. Evidence Code section 1117(b) says the mediation chapter does not apply to proceedings under Chapter 11 of Part 2 of Division 8 of the Family Code. Those court proceedings are held in private and are confidential under Family Code section 3177 instead.

Community Property and Separate Property: The Core Division Terms

Family Code section 760 sets California's starting point: "Except as otherwise provided by statute, all property, real or personal, wherever situated, acquired by a married person during the marriage while domiciled in this state is community property." Community property belongs to both of you.

Separate property, under Family Code section 770, includes everything a spouse owned before marriage, everything acquired during marriage by gift, bequest, devise or descent (inheritance), and the rents, issues and profits of that separate property.

Family Code section 2550 then directs the court to divide the community estate equally, except on the written agreement of the parties, on their oral stipulation in open court, or as the Family Code otherwise provides. Spouses in mediation can work out how to divide things, including by agreeing to something other than an equal division.

A few related terms come up often:

Separate-property reimbursement. Under Family Code section 2640(b), a spouse who traces contributions to the acquisition of community property to a separate-property source is reimbursed for them, unless that spouse has made a written waiver of the right or signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver; the reimbursement is paid without interest or adjustment for change in monetary values and may not exceed the property's net value at the time of division. "Contributions" means down payments, payments for improvements, and payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve the property, not interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes.

Moore/Marsden apportionment. This is the opposite situation: community money paying down a loan on one spouse's separate-property home. It is a different concept from section 2640.

Valuation date. Under Family Code section 2552, the court values assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial; on 30 days' notice by the moving party, the court may for good cause use a date after separation and before trial.

Retirement plans. Family Code section 2610 directs the court, except as its subdivision (b) provides, to make orders ensuring each spouse receives a full community share of any public or private retirement plan, including survivor and death benefits.

Business value. A business's value can include goodwill, and that value is decided on the evidence, often with experts.

For more on how these pieces fit together, see property division mediation.

Spousal Support (Alimony): What the Term Covers in California

Spousal support, often called alimony, is money a court may order one spouse to pay for the support of the other, either while the case is pending or in the judgment (Family Code sections 3600 and 4330). It is a separate subject from child support.

Two kinds come up. Temporary spousal support may be ordered while the case is pending. Long-term support is set in the judgment.

For long-term support, Family Code section 4320 lists circumstances the court considers. They include the supported spouse's marketable skills, the extent that spouse contributed to the other's education or career, the standard of living set during the marriage, the length of the marriage, each spouse's age and health, documented evidence of any history of domestic violence, the immediate and specific tax consequences to each spouse, the balance of hardships, and the goal that the supported spouse become self-supporting within a reasonable time, among other factors. The list is not exhaustive.

In mediation, you and your spouse can talk through these same factors and negotiate terms. More detail is in this page on spousal support mediation.

Child Custody and Parenting Plan Terms

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and mediation with the other spouse may not be appropriate. Under Family Code section 3170(b), domestic violence cases in court custody mediation are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council.

California defines custody in two parts, legal and physical, and each can be joint or sole:

• Joint legal custody (Family Code section 3003): both parents "share the right and the responsibility to make the decisions relating to the health, education, and welfare of a child."
• Sole legal custody (Family Code section 3006): one parent has that right and responsibility.
• Joint physical custody (Family Code section 3004): "each of the parents shall have significant periods of physical custody," shared so the child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents, subject to other provisions of the Family Code.
• Sole physical custody (Family Code section 3007): the child lives with and is supervised by one parent, subject to the court's power to order visitation.

A parenting plan describes where the children will live, when they will see each parent and how to care for them, and it must be in the best interests of the children (California Courts Self-Help Center). Parents may work one out in private mediation.

If custody or visitation is contested in a court filing, the court's own mediation under section 3170 applies, as described earlier. Private mediation and that court process stay separate.

Child Support: The Guideline Formula and What Couples Can Agree To

Child support is money paid for a child's needs. It stands on its own terms, apart from spousal support.

California uses a statewide uniform guideline formula, written in Family Code section 4055. The formula draws on each parent's net monthly disposable income and the approximate share of time each parent has primary physical responsibility for the children.

Parents may agree on a child support amount in mediation, but the agreement is subject to the court's approval. Family Code section 4065(a), unless federal law prohibits it, lets parents stipulate to an amount, but the court will not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following:

1. They are fully informed of their rights concerning child support.
2. The order is being agreed to without coercion or duress.
3. The agreement is in the best interests of the children involved.
4. The needs of the children will be adequately met by the stipulated amount.
5. The right to support has not been assigned to the county, and no public assistance application is pending.

Parents cannot simply agree to any amount. For a closer look, see child support mediation.

Financial Disclosure: What the Law Requires Before Any Agreement

Mediation does not remove the duty of financial disclosure. Each spouse still serves declarations of disclosure, sworn statements listing assets, debts and income, on the same legal footing as any other divorce.

Preliminary declaration of disclosure. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner serves it with the petition or within 60 days of filing it, and the respondent serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response, unless the parties extend the time by written agreement or the court extends it by order. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner has 30 days from the response.

Final declaration of disclosure. Under Family Code section 2105(a), except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time the parties enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date.

The final declaration can be waived, but only mutually; one spouse cannot waive it alone. A mutual waiver must be executed under penalty of perjury, in open court or by separate stipulation, and must include representations the Family Code lists.

It can feel like a lot of paperwork at a time when energy is low, but these documents are what let both of you sign an agreement knowing what is actually on the table.

The Six-Month Waiting Period and How the Divorce Becomes Final

A judgment of dissolution is the court order that legally ends the marriage. Under Family Code section 2339, subject to its exceptions, that judgment is not final for ending the marriage until six months have passed from the date the summons and petition were served on the respondent or the date the respondent appeared in the case, whichever occurs first. The court may extend the period for good cause.

Six months is a minimum, not a prediction. The total time depends on the issues and on whether the spouses reach agreement.

Summary dissolution is a simplified procedure for couples who meet specific statutory requirements. Its dollar limits are set by statute and adjusted periodically under Family Code section 2400(b), so any figure printed in the older text of the statute may not be current.

Mediation can help you and your spouse settle the terms; the court still enters the judgment. This guide to a divorce mediation agreement explains how a signed agreement moves toward judgment.

If You'd Like to Talk With the Practice

A consultation is a place to raise questions about these terms and about how mediation works for couples in San Diego County or online anywhere in California. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first.

When you and your spouse are ready, you can call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 to arrange a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-08.