How Online Divorce Mediation Works in California: A Step-by-Step Guide

In online divorce mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral mediator who helps you talk through property, support and parenting until you reach terms you both accept. You still exchange the required financial disclosures, put your agreement in writing, and file it with the court, which enters the judgment that ends the marriage.

You may be reading this late at night, perhaps on behalf of both of you, trying to work out whether there is a calmer way to end a marriage than going to court against each other. Most people facing this process have never been through a divorce before, so the uncertainty is less about the law than about what actually happens first, what comes next, and what can go wrong. This guide walks through the five steps of online mediation in California, the disclosure rules that apply no matter how you resolve your case, and the point where mediation ends and the court takes over.

The steps below follow the same order whether you live in San Diego County or anywhere else in California. Time and cost depend on the couple and the issues, so this guide describes each step rather than putting a figure on it.

Before You Start: What Online Divorce Mediation Requires

Mediation, under Evidence Code section 1115, is a process in which a neutral person, the mediator, helps both spouses communicate so they can reach an agreement they both accept. The mediator does not represent either of you, does not advocate for either of you, and does not decide anything for you. The decisions stay with the two of you.

Either spouse may have a lawyer of their own. Neither of you is required to have one, and neither of you is prohibited from having one. Some couples mediate without lawyers; others have a lawyer advise one or both of them along the way, which is the model described in attorney-assisted divorce mediation.

Mediation works because both spouses take part willingly. It is a process you both accept, not something one spouse imposes on the other. Online mediation is available to couples anywhere in California, and the rules on confidentiality and disclosure are the same online as in a room, as explained in online vs. in-person mediation.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and mediating with the other spouse is not encouraged. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Step 1: Understand What You and Your Spouse Will Decide

A divorce settlement typically covers four areas: dividing community property and debts, spousal support, child custody and visitation (often written as a parenting plan), and child support. Knowing the scope in advance helps both of you see where you already agree and which issues may call for more discussion.

Community property. California is a community property state, meaning property and debts acquired during the marriage are generally owned by both spouses together. Family Code section 2550 directs the court to divide the community estate equally, except upon the spouses' written agreement, an oral stipulation in open court, or as the Family Code otherwise provides. More detail on this area is in property division mediation.

Separate property. Separate property is property that belongs to one spouse alone. Under Family Code section 770, it includes property owned before marriage, property received during marriage by gift, bequest, devise or descent (inheritance), and the rents, issues and profits of that property.

Reimbursement. Under Family Code section 2640(b), when one spouse traces contributions to the acquisition of community property, such as a downpayment, payments for improvements, or payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve it, to a separate-property source, that spouse is reimbursed unless they made a written waiver of the right or signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver. Payments of interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes do not count. The reimbursement is paid without interest or adjustment for changes in the value of money, and it may not exceed the net value of the property at the time of division.

A business. When one of you owns a business, its value can include goodwill, and that value is decided on the evidence, often with the help of experts.

Child support. Parents may agree on child support, but the agreement is subject to the court's approval. Under Family Code section 4065(a), the court does not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following: they are fully informed of their rights concerning child support; the order is agreed to without coercion or duress; the agreement is in the children's best interests; the children's needs will be adequately met by the agreed amount; and the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending.

Custody, and the court's separate process. Parents can work out custody and a parenting plan in private mediation. Separately, when custody or visitation is contested in a court filing, Family Code section 3170 requires the court to set those issues for mediation. In San Diego County, that court process is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. It is a court service, entirely distinct from private mediation with Simple Divorce Mediation, and the judge decides any custody order.

Step 2: Complete the Required Financial Disclosures

Mediation does not remove the duty of financial disclosure. Both spouses complete the declarations of disclosure, sworn statements of assets, debts, income and expenses, whether or not they mediate.

Preliminary declaration. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner (the spouse who files) serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or within 60 days of filing it, and the respondent (the other spouse) serves theirs with the response or within 60 days of filing it. The spouses can extend those times by written agreement, or the court can extend them by order. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner has 30 days from that response.

Final declaration. Under Family Code section 2105(a), except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time they enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. That requirement applies unless the spouses mutually waive the final declaration.

Mutual waiver. A waiver cannot come from one spouse alone. Under Family Code section 2105(d), it is executed under penalty of perjury in open court or by separate stipulation, and it includes the representations that section lists, including that both spouses have complied with section 2104 and that the preliminary declarations have been completed and exchanged.

There is a practical reason all this matters in mediation. An agreement built on full, honest information from both sides is one both of you can rely on later. Section 2105(a) also provides that perjury on the final declaration may be grounds for setting aside the judgment or parts of it.

Step 3: Work Through Each Issue With the Mediator

This step is the heart of mediation. The mediator acts as a neutral facilitator, helping both of you communicate, understand each other's concerns, and explore options. The mediator is not a judge and is not an advocate for either spouse. Conversations focus on solving problems together, one issue at a time.

Confidentiality. Mediation is confidential under Evidence Code section 1119, except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides. Generally, what is said and written for the purpose of or in the course of a mediation is not admissible or subject to discovery in later civil proceedings, and communications between participants remain confidential. That protection is not absolute. For example, under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement signed by the spouses can be admitted or disclosed if it says it is enforceable or binding, if it says it is admissible or subject to disclosure, if all parties expressly agree to its disclosure, or if it is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute.

The court's custody mediation is different. Evidence Code section 1117(b) says the Evidence Code's mediation chapter does not apply to the court's child custody mediation under the Family Code chapter beginning with section 3160. Those court proceedings are held in private and are confidential under Family Code section 3177 instead. Each superior court makes a mediator available for that purpose under Family Code section 3160.

If a spouse has a lawyer. Under Evidence Code section 1129, an attorney representing a client in mediation gives the client a printed disclosure of the confidentiality restrictions, and obtains a signed acknowledgment, as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate, or as soon as reasonably possible after being retained if the attorney is retained later.

It is natural to worry about the hardest conversations, the house, the children's schedule, money. The point of this step is that those conversations happen with help, at a pace both of you can manage.

Step 4: Put the Agreement in Writing

When you and your spouse agree on all issues, the terms are written into a marital settlement agreement, the document that sets out how property and debts are divided and how support and parenting will work. Some couples reach agreement on part of their case and leave other issues for another process; the written agreement records what has been resolved.

As noted in Step 3, a signed written agreement is not always private or always inadmissible. If it says it is enforceable or binding, for instance, it can be admitted or disclosed under Evidence Code section 1123.

Either spouse may have their own attorney review the agreement before signing. Neither is required to, and neither is prohibited from doing so. The agreement is then incorporated into a judgment of dissolution so the court can make its terms a court order. More on this stage appears in how a mediation agreement works.

Step 5: File With the Court and Complete the Divorce

Mediation produces an agreement, not a divorce. The marriage ends when the Superior Court of California enters a judgment of dissolution. In San Diego County, family law cases are heard by the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego; where any case is filed depends on the spouses' circumstances, such as where they live. General information about court filing is available through the California Courts Self-Help Guide.

The six-month waiting period. Under Family Code section 2339, a judgment of dissolution is not final to end the marriage until six months have passed from the date a copy of the summons and petition is served on the respondent or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. The court may extend that period for good cause.

Valuation date. Under Family Code section 2552, the court values community assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial. For good cause, and on 30 days' notice by the moving party to the other party, the court may value all or part of them at a date after separation and before trial.

Retirement plans. Retirement assets often need their own court orders. Family Code section 2610 directs the court, except as its subdivision (b) provides, to make the orders necessary to ensure each spouse receives their full community share of a retirement plan, public or private, including survivor and death benefits.

When Online Mediation May and May Not Be the Right Path

Mediation may not be right for every couple. That is said plainly because it is true.

Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and mediating with the other spouse is not encouraged. In court custody matters, Family Code section 3170(b) provides that domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council.

Mediation works through both spouses' willingness to communicate and reach agreement. It is not a substitute for court when one spouse is unwilling or unable to take part in good faith. When both of you are willing, mediation may take less time or cost less than litigation, depending on the couple and the issues, though that is not a given. Couples who have not yet filed sometimes read about mediation before filing for divorce first.

Typical timeline

No set number of weeks applies. How long mediation takes depends on how many issues you have, how complex your finances are, and how quickly disclosures are exchanged. The fixed points are legal ones: the 60-day preliminary disclosure window under Family Code section 2104(f), and the six-month waiting period under Family Code section 2339, measured from service or the respondent's appearance, whichever comes first. Agreement can be reached before that period ends, but the marriage cannot end before it does.

When the process gets complicated

Contested custody If custody or visitation is contested in a court filing, the court sets those issues for its own mediation under Family Code section 3170. Family Court Services in San Diego County says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides.

A business or complex assets When a business or several accounts are involved, value is decided on the evidence, and couples often bring in experts. This guide does not cover valuation methods.

Partial agreement or impasse Mediation may resolve some issues and not others. The resolved terms can be written down, and the remaining issues can go to the court or another process.

Summary dissolution California has a simpler summary dissolution procedure for some couples, with property and debt limits set by statute and adjusted periodically under Family Code section 2400(b).

Talking Through Your Own Situation

Every couple's path through these five steps looks a little different, depending on what you own, whether you have children, and how much you already agree on. A consultation is an opportunity to learn how online mediation generally works, what the disclosure and filing steps involve, and whether the process may be a good fit for a couple's circumstances. Couples still unsure about separation versus divorce may find legal separation mediation a useful read first, and anyone checking a lawyer's license can use the State Bar of California lookup.

When you and your spouse are ready, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 to arrange a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-08.