Preparing for Online Divorce Mediation in California: A Step-by-Step Guide

Preparing for online divorce mediation in California means gathering both spouses' financial records, understanding the disclosure deadlines that still apply, learning what mediation confidentiality does and does not cover, setting up a private space with a working camera and connection, and listing the property, support and parenting issues you and your spouse need to work through together.

You and your spouse may have already agreed to try mediation, or one of you may be reading this late at night on behalf of both, trying to picture what the first session will actually look like on a screen. That uncertainty is normal. This guide walks through the preparation in order, so the first session starts with organized information instead of guesswork.

The guide covers six steps, plus what comes before and after them. It explains the process in general terms. It does not tell you what to agree to, and it does not predict how long your mediation will take or how it will end.

Before You Start: What Online Divorce Mediation Requires

Mediation, under Evidence Code section 1115, is a process in which a neutral person helps the people in a dispute communicate so they can reach an agreement they both accept. The mediator is that neutral person. A mediator is not a judge and does not decide anything for you and your spouse. A mediator is not either spouse's lawyer and does not represent, advocate for, or protect either of you. Any agreement is one you and your spouse reach together.

Either spouse may have a lawyer of their own during mediation. Neither of you is required to have one, and neither of you is prohibited from having one.

Mediation does not remove the duty of financial disclosure. The California Family Code requires each spouse to serve formal declarations of disclosure, and choosing mediation does not let you skip, shorten, or informally replace them. Step 1 explains those deadlines.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion, or a protective order, safety comes first, and no one should feel pressured to sit across from, or on a screen with, the other spouse. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Online mediation is available to couples anywhere in California. Simple Divorce Mediation mediates California divorces for couples in San Diego County and, online, for couples throughout the state. For an overview of the format itself, see the guide to online divorce mediation in California.

Step 1: Gather Your Financial Documents

Each spouse must serve a preliminary declaration of disclosure, a statement executed under penalty of perjury that identifies assets and liabilities and is served with a current income and expense declaration, on the timetable in Family Code section 2104(f) . The petitioner (the spouse who files) serves it with the petition or within 60 days of filing the petition. The respondent (the other spouse) serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response. Those time periods may be extended by written agreement of the parties or by court order. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order, and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner has 30 days from the response to serve the preliminary declaration.

A second disclosure follows. Under Family Code section 2105(a), except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time the parties enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. The final declaration can be waived, but the waiver must be mutual. Under Family Code section 2105(d), a mutual waiver must be executed under penalty of perjury, either in open court or by separate stipulation, and must include the representations that subdivision lists. One spouse cannot waive it alone.

Documents worth having ready to share include:

• Recent pay stubs and several years of tax returns
• Bank and investment account statements
• Retirement account statements
• Mortgage statements and property deeds
• Business records, if either spouse owns a business
• Statements for credit cards, loans, and other debts

Tracing records deserve their own folder. Under Family Code section 2640(b), a spouse who contributed separate property (money owned before marriage, or received by gift or inheritance) toward acquiring community property is reimbursed for those contributions to the extent they are traced to a separate-property source, unless that spouse made a written waiver of the right to reimbursement or signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver. "Contributions" means downpayments, payments for improvements, and payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve the property, not interest, maintenance, insurance, or taxes. Reimbursement is paid without interest or adjustment for changes in monetary values and may not exceed the property's net value at the time of division. Old escrow papers and account statements showing where a downpayment came from can matter.

On valuation, the court values the community estate as near as practicable to the time of trial under Family Code section 2552, and for good cause, on 30 days' notice by the moving party to the other party, may use a date after separation and before trial. Current statements, not only older ones, are part of the picture. A longer checklist appears in the guide on preparing for divorce mediation.

Step 2: Understand the California Divorce Timeline

Under Family Code section 2339, a judgment of dissolution does not end the marriage until six months have passed from the date the summons and petition are served or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. The clock does not start at filing. The court may extend the period for good cause, and the rule is subject to Family Code sections 2340 to 2344.

That waiting period runs on its own track. You and your spouse can reach a settlement agreement in mediation before six months have passed, but under section 2339 a judgment of dissolution generally does not end the marriage until the period has run.

Mediation commonly addresses property and debts, spousal support, and, if there are children, custody, visitation, and child support. A written agreement can be submitted to the court with the final forms, and a judge reviews them before signing the judgment. Some terms, such as child support, are subject to court approval under Family Code section 4065(a), covered in Step 5.

How long mediation itself takes depends on the couple and the issues. It may be shorter or longer than you expect. For couples weighing filing options, the guide to joint petition divorce mediation explains how filing and mediation fit together.

Step 3: Know the Confidentiality Rules for Mediation

Many spouses come into mediation worried about whether what they say could be used against them later. This step explains what the rules actually cover.

Under Evidence Code section 1119, except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, what is said and written for the purpose of, in the course of, or pursuant to a mediation is generally not admissible or subject to discovery in a later civil or other noncriminal proceeding where testimony can be compelled, and communications between participants in the course of a mediation remain confidential. That protection is real, but it is not absolute.

The most important exception concerns the agreement itself. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement prepared in or pursuant to mediation and signed by the settling parties is not protected from admission or disclosure if any of the following applies: the agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure, or words to that effect; it says it is enforceable or binding, or words to that effect; all parties expressly agree in writing, or orally as the Evidence Code permits, to its disclosure; or it is used to show fraud, duress, or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute. A signed written agreement is therefore not always private: for example, one that says it is enforceable or binding falls within section 1123.

The court's child custody mediation follows different rules. Under Evidence Code section 1117(b), the mediation confidentiality chapter does not apply to the court's custody mediation proceedings under Family Code section 3160 and the sections that follow it. Those proceedings are held in private and are confidential under Family Code section 3177. Private divorce mediation and court custody mediation are separate processes.

Two more points matter. A mediation consultation is a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of initiating, considering, or reconvening a mediation or retaining the mediator (Evidence Code section 1115(c)). And under Evidence Code section 1129, an attorney who represents a spouse in mediation must give that client a printed disclosure of the confidentiality restrictions as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate, or as soon as reasonably possible after being retained if retained later, and must obtain the client's signed acknowledgment.

Step 4: Set Up Your Technology and Space

Practical things worth arranging before an online session include:

• A reliable internet connection
• A computer, tablet, or phone with a working camera and microphone
• Financial documents within reach, either as digital files or on paper
• Time to test whatever video platform is used before the first session

Privacy matters. A quiet room where neither spouse will be overheard or interrupted, by children, roommates, or relatives, supports the confidentiality described in Step 3. The legal rules protect communications in mediation; they cannot stop someone in the next room from listening.

Because online mediation is available to couples anywhere in California, spouses who live in different counties, or who prefer not to share a room, can still take part. For how the formats compare, see the guide to online and in-person mediation.

Step 5: Prepare the Issues You and Your Spouse Need to Resolve

Writing down the open questions before the first session may help. The issues usually fall into a few groups.

Property and debts. California is a community property state. Under Family Code section 2550, the court divides the community estate equally, except on the written agreement of the parties, an oral stipulation in open court, or as the Family Code otherwise provides. Spouses may agree in writing to a different division.

Retirement accounts. Family Code section 2610 directs the court, except as its subdivision (b) provides, to make whatever orders are necessary or appropriate so that each spouse receives a full community share in any retirement plan, public or private, including survivor and death benefits.

A business. If either spouse owns a business, its value can include goodwill, and that value is decided on the evidence, often with help from experts.

Spousal support. Family Code section 4320 lists the circumstances a court considers in ordering spousal support, including the extent to which each spouse's earning capacity can maintain the marital standard of living and the extent to which the supported spouse contributed to the other's education, training, or career. Mediation can address support.

Child support. Parents may agree on a child support amount, subject to court approval, under Family Code section 4065(a). The court does not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following: they are fully informed of their rights concerning child support; the order is agreed to without coercion or duress; the agreement is in the children's best interests; the children's needs will be adequately met by the stipulated amount; and the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending.

Custody and visitation. Parents can work out a parenting plan in private mediation. Separately, when custody or visitation is contested in a court filing, the court must set the contested issues for mediation under Family Code section 3170, and Family Code section 3160 requires each superior court to make a mediator available. In San Diego County, where family law cases are heard by the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, that court mediation is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. Under Family Code section 3183(a), except as section 3188 provides, the court's mediator may, consistent with local court rules, submit a recommendation to the court on custody or visitation if the mediator first provides it in writing to the parties and their attorneys before the hearing. Family Court Services says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides. Domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council (Family Code section 3170(b)). Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice and is not connected to the court or Family Court Services.

Where a case is filed, and which court's procedures apply, depends on the spouses' circumstances, such as where they live.

Step 6: Understand What Happens After Mediation

When you and your spouse reach agreement, the terms can be put into a written settlement agreement that both of you sign. That agreement can be submitted to the court with the final forms, and a judge reviews them before signing the judgment. As Step 3 explained, a signed written agreement that states it is enforceable or binding can be admitted or disclosed under Evidence Code section 1123.

The divorce is not final until the court enters a judgment, and under Family Code section 2339 a judgment of dissolution generally does not end the marriage until six months have passed from the date the summons and petition are served or the respondent appears, whichever occurs first. A couple may resolve some issues and not others. Mediation does not guarantee a final agreement. The guides on the divorce mediation agreement and what happens after mediation walk through these later stages in more detail.

Typical Timeline and When the Process Gets More Complex

Typical timeline

The six-month waiting period under Family Code section 2339 generally sets the minimum time before a judgment of dissolution ends the marriage, no matter how soon you and your spouse reach agreement, subject to the court's power to extend it for good cause and to Family Code sections 2340 to 2344. How long mediation takes depends on how many issues are open, how complete the financial records are, and how the conversations go.

Separate-property tracing

Reconstructing where money came from years ago under Family Code section 2640 can take time, especially when records are old or incomplete.

Retirement accounts

Dividing a retirement plan may require additional court orders so that each spouse receives a full community share under Family Code section 2610.

A family business

When a business is involved, its value is decided on the evidence and may call for expert input, which adds a stage of information-gathering.

Contested custody

If custody or visitation becomes contested in a court filing, the court sets those issues for mediation under Family Code section 3170, on a track separate from private mediation.

Safety concerns

Where there has been domestic violence, coercion, or a protective order, safety comes first, and mediation with the other spouse may not be appropriate. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

To Talk With Simple Divorce Mediation About Online Mediation

Preparing for mediation raises questions about disclosures, separate-property tracing, retirement plans, a business, and children's issues. A consultation is a place to raise those questions. If there are safety concerns in your relationship, safety comes first.

To talk with the practice about online mediation, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 for a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-08.