How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation in California

If you and your spouse are getting ready to mediate a California divorce, preparation comes down to five things. Confirm the residency rules. Gather your financial records. Understand the required declarations of disclosure. List the issues that a settlement typically resolves. Think about how you want to talk with each other. Mediation helps you reach an agreement, and the court's rules still apply.

Most people facing this process come to it after a hard decision has already been made. You and your spouse know the marriage is ending. You may still share a home, a mortgage or children's schedules. Now you are trying to work out what happens before the first mediation session, and what you are supposed to bring to it. Some readers are one spouse doing the reading for both. This guide is written for that couple, in San Diego County or anywhere in California through online mediation. It walks through what mediation is, the steps that come before your first session, the timeline the law sets, and the situations where mediation may not fit.

The guide covers a short orientation and five preparation steps. It then explains the statutory waiting period and the limits of mediation. Nothing here replaces advice about your particular facts. It describes how the process works so that the first session is less of an unknown.

Before You Start: What Mediation Is — and What It Is Not

California law defines mediation as a process in which a neutral person helps the people in a dispute communicate so they can reach an agreement they both accept (Evidence Code section 1115). That neutral person is the mediator. The mediator does not represent either spouse. The mediator does not advocate for either of you, and does not decide anything for you. The decisions belong to you and your spouse. A broader overview of the method is on the page about divorce mediation in California.

Either spouse may consult or hire a lawyer of their own at any point. Neither of you is required to, and neither of you is barred from it. The roles are different: a mediator works with both spouses, while a lawyer advises one. The comparison of a divorce mediator vs. divorce lawyer explains the difference in more detail.

Mediation does not remove California's financial disclosure duties. The Legislature has declared a policy of full and accurate disclosure of all assets and debts early in a divorce (Family Code section 2100). Mediating does not let spouses skip, shorten or informally replace the declarations of disclosure described in Step 3. Spouses also owe each other a duty of the highest good faith and fair dealing in their dealings with each other (Family Code section 721).

Mediation is confidential, though not absolutely. Under Evidence Code section 1119, things said and writings prepared for a mediation generally cannot be used as evidence or obtained through discovery in a later civil proceeding. That rule has exceptions in the Evidence Code's mediation chapter. One of those exceptions matters a great deal. A written settlement agreement signed by the spouses can be admitted or disclosed in the situations listed in Evidence Code section 1123:

• the agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure;
• it says it is enforceable or binding;
• all parties expressly agree to its disclosure; or
• it is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute.

Private divorce mediation is also separate from the court's custody mediation. The court's process is run through Family Court Services and is described in Step 4. Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice. It is not connected to the court, Family Court Services or any government program.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first. The last major section of this guide addresses that directly.

Step 1: Confirm You Meet California's Residency Requirement

A California court may not enter a judgment of dissolution unless one spouse has been a California resident for six months before the petition is filed. That same spouse must also have lived in the county where the petition is filed for the three months before filing (Family Code section 2320). The statute has a separate rule for certain same-sex marriages entered in California.

What this step involves: You and your spouse check where each of you has lived, and for how long. This tells you whether a petition can be filed yet, and in which county. Where a case is filed and which rules apply depend on your circumstances, including where each of you lives. For couples in San Diego County, family law cases are heard by the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego. For couples elsewhere in California who mediate online, the case is filed in the county that fits the residency rule.

What comes next: Once a petition is filed, the other spouse is served with it, or appears in the case. The date of service or appearance starts a clock. Under Family Code section 2339, a divorce judgment cannot become final to end the marriage until six months have passed. The six months run from the date the summons and petition are served or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. The court may extend that period for good cause.

This is a planning fact, not a hurdle. However smoothly mediation goes, the marriage does not end before that six-month point.

Step 2: Gather Your Financial Documents

This step usually takes the most time. It also tends to shape every later conversation, because agreements are built on numbers. Couples who arrive with records for both spouses can spend their sessions discussing options instead of searching for figures.

The documents typically gathered fall into these categories:

• Income: recent pay stubs and the most recent federal and state tax returns. If either spouse is self-employed, include self-employment income records and business financial statements.
• Bank and investment accounts: statements for every account held by either spouse. That includes checking, savings, brokerage, 401(k), IRA and pension accounts.
• Real property: mortgage statements, property tax bills and any appraisals. On value, the court values community assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial. On 30 days' notice by the moving party to the other party, and for good cause shown, the court may use a date after separation and before trial (Family Code section 2552). Current figures therefore matter, not only figures from the date you separated.
• Debts: credit card statements and balances for loans, vehicle loans and student loans, plus any liens.
• Separate property records: documents that trace the source of anything either spouse claims as separate property, such as gifts, inheritances or money brought into the marriage. When one spouse's separate-property funds paid for community property, Family Code section 2640 generally gives that spouse reimbursement. This applies to down payments, improvements and principal reductions, not interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes. Tracing usually depends on old records, which is why they belong in this step.
• Business interests: if either spouse owns a business, its value can include goodwill. That value is decided on the evidence, often with the help of experts.
• Insurance: life, health, auto and homeowners policies.

Step 3: Understand the Financial Disclosure Requirements

California requires each spouse to give the other a sworn picture of their finances. These declarations of disclosure are legal obligations that exist whether or not you mediate.

The preliminary declaration of disclosure. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner serves this declaration with the petition or within 60 days of filing it. The respondent serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response. When the petitioner serves the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner serves the preliminary declaration within 30 days of the response being filed. The parties can extend these time periods by written agreement, or the court can extend them by order.

The final declaration of disclosure. Family Code section 2105(a) addresses the final declaration and a current income and expense declaration, each signed under penalty of perjury. Each spouse serves both of them before or at the time the spouses enter an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support. If the case goes to trial, they are due no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. The court can order otherwise for good cause. Perjury on the final declaration may be grounds for setting aside the judgment.

Waiving the final declaration. Spouses may waive the final declaration only mutually, never one spouse alone. The mutual waiver must be executed under penalty of perjury in open court or by separate stipulation (Family Code section 2105(d)).

Mediation does not shorten or replace any of this. Having the documents from Step 2 in hand makes the declarations simpler to complete accurately. It also means the agreement you reach in mediation rests on the same information the declarations contain.

Step 4: Think Through the Issues You and Your Spouse Need to Resolve

A California divorce settlement usually addresses several connected subjects. Coming in with a clear list helps both spouses see what is actually on the table. A related walkthrough of uncontested divorce mediation shows how these issues come together when spouses agree.

Property. California divides the community estate equally. Under Family Code section 2550, the court divides it equally unless the spouses have a written agreement, an oral stipulation in open court, or the law provides otherwise. Within that framework, spouses in mediation can work out how an equal division is achieved. For example, one spouse may keep the house while the other keeps retirement accounts of matching value.

Debts. Community debts are part of the community estate. They are divided along with the assets.

Spousal support. Spousal support means payments from one spouse to the other after separation. The questions are whether support will be paid, how much, and for how long. When a court orders spousal support, Family Code section 4320 requires it to consider a list of circumstances. The list includes each spouse's earning capacity compared with the marital standard of living, and the extent to which the supported spouse contributed to the other's education, training or career. Mediation discussions often draw on the same considerations.

Custody and visitation. Legal custody means decision-making about a child's health, education and welfare. Physical custody means where the child lives. Parents can work out a parenting plan in mediation, but the court must approve any custody arrangement.

Child support. Parents may agree on child support, but the agreement is subject to the court's approval. Under Family Code section 4065(a), the court will not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following:

• they are fully informed of their rights;
• the agreement is made without coercion or duress;
• it is in the children's best interests;
• the children's needs will be adequately met by that amount; and
• the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending.

The court's custody mediation is a separate process. When custody or visitation is contested in a petition or other filing, the court must set the contested issues for mediation (Family Code section 3170). In San Diego County, that is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. Under Family Code section 3183(a), and with exceptions in section 3188, that court mediator may make a recommendation to the court consistent with local court rules. The mediator must first give the recommendation in writing to the parties and their attorneys before the hearing. Family Court Services calls this person the Family Court Counselor. Family Court Services says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides. Private divorce mediation, the subject of this guide, is a different process.

Summary dissolution. California also has a simplified summary dissolution procedure for couples who meet its statutory conditions. Its dollar limits are set by statute and adjusted periodically under Family Code section 2400(b), with the Judicial Council publishing the current amounts. Couples checking eligibility confirm the current limits through the California Courts.

Step 5: Prepare Yourself for the Mediation Conversation

Sitting across from your spouse, in person or on a screen, can feel heavier than any document. Preparing for the conversation is part of preparing for mediation.

What tends to close a conversation down. Mediation depends on communication, so certain patterns tend to stall progress:

• reopening past grievances;
• ultimatums;
• speaking for the other spouse ("you never cared about…");
• statements aimed at assigning blame rather than solving a problem.

What tends to help is the opposite. Each spouse describes their own needs and concerns, asks questions, and responds to proposals.

Common preparation gaps. Sessions often slow down for a few predictable reasons:

• arriving without the financial documents from Step 2;
• not having thought through priorities;
• expecting the mediator to act as a lawyer.

The mediator helps both of you communicate. The mediator does not take sides, does not advise either spouse, and does not decide anything. Each spouse speaks for themselves. The page on the attorney-mediator role explains how that neutrality works when a mediator is also a lawyer.

Knowing your priorities. Spouses who have thought about which issues matter most, and where they have flexibility, tend to find sessions more productive. Either spouse may consult their own attorney before, during or after mediation. That is a choice, not a requirement.

Confidentiality, in practice. Under Evidence Code section 1119, what is said in mediation generally stays out of later civil proceedings. The section 1123 exceptions covered earlier still apply. A signed written agreement that says it is enforceable or binding, for example, can be disclosed and enforced. That is often the purpose of signing it.

Typical Timeline: What the Six-Month Waiting Period Actually Means for Your Case

The six-month waiting period under Family Code section 2339 is the fixed point in every California dissolution timeline. It runs from the date the summons and petition are served or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. A divorce cannot become final before that period ends, however quickly the spouses reach agreement.

Mediation can happen at any stage: before filing, after filing, or after service. A mediated agreement can be ready well before the six months are up. In that case the spouses wait for the court to enter the judgment. How long mediation itself takes depends on the couple and the issues. It may move faster than a contested case, or it may not.

Reaching agreement early means the spouses are not waiting on contested hearings. They are still waiting on the statutory period. The overview of how mediation works shows where each stage falls, and the mediation vs. litigation comparison describes the alternative path.

When Mediation May Not Be the Right Path

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first. This guide does not encourage anyone to mediate with a spouse in those circumstances. Mediation works only when both spouses can communicate and negotiate without fear or coercion. Where that is not possible, a different process may be more appropriate.

In the court's process, domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council (Family Code section 3170(b)). That protocol belongs to the court's custody mediation, not to private divorce mediation.

Some readers search for how to mediate with a spouse whose behavior feels controlling or manipulative. Mediation works when both spouses can take part in good faith. Where one spouse's conduct makes that impossible, the couple, and their attorneys if they have them, are better positioned to judge whether mediation can work. High conflict alone does not rule mediation out. The question is whether both of you can take part without fear or coercion.

When the process gets complicated

One spouse is unsure about mediating

Mediation is a process both spouses agree to take part in. If one spouse is hesitant, there may first need to be a conversation about what mediation is and what it is not.

You agree on some issues but not others

A partial agreement can still settle what it covers. The remaining issues can be worked on further or resolved another way, including through the court.

A business or complex asset is involved

Valuation evidence, often from experts, may be needed before an agreement can rest on accurate numbers.

Custody becomes contested in court

If a filing shows custody or visitation is contested, the court's own mediation under Family Code section 3170 applies separately from any private mediation.

Talking Through Your Preparation

Preparing for mediation is mostly about information and expectations. That means knowing which records matter, which deadlines the Family Code sets, and which issues you and your spouse will need to settle. A conversation with the practice can be a place to ask how mediation might handle your particular mix of property, support and parenting questions, whether you are in San Diego County or elsewhere in California and mediating online. For readers still deciding whether to divorce at all, that question may come first.

To talk through how mediation could work for you and your spouse, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 for a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-04.