What to Expect in Divorce Mediation in California

In California divorce mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral mediator who helps you talk through property, debts, support and parenting so you can reach terms you both accept. The mediator decides nothing for either of you. Financial disclosures are still required, and any agreement goes to the court to become part of a judgment.

You may be reading this alone late at night, or together with your spouse, after a decision that has already changed your household. Perhaps you have agreed the marriage is ending but have no picture of what comes next, who sits where, what papers matter, or whether talking things through can really settle a house, a retirement account or a schedule for the children. Most people facing this process have never seen a mediation, and the not-knowing is often harder than the conversations themselves. This guide walks through what divorce mediation in California involves, from the first decision to the final judgment, for couples in San Diego County and, through online mediation, anywhere in the state.

The guide is organized as a preparation section, five steps, a section on when mediation may not fit, and a timeline. It explains the process in general. It does not tell you what to do in your own case, and it does not cover every complication a divorce can raise.

Before You Start: What Mediation Requires and What It Cannot Do

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Mediation, under Evidence Code section 1115, is a process in which a neutral person helps both spouses communicate so they can reach an agreement they both accept. That neutral person is the mediator. The mediator does not represent either spouse, does not advocate for either spouse, is not either spouse's lawyer, and does not decide anything. Every decision stays with you and your spouse.

Either spouse may have a lawyer of their own during mediation. Neither of you is required to have one, and neither of you is barred from having one. Some couples mediate with no attorneys involved, some have attorneys who review proposals between conversations, and some have attorneys who take part more directly.

Mediation does not remove the duty of financial disclosure. A declaration of disclosure is a sworn statement of each spouse's assets, debts and income. Under Family Code section 2104(f), each spouse serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or response, or within 60 days of filing it, unless the spouses extend that time by written agreement or the court extends it by order. Except by court order for good cause, Family Code section 2105(a) requires each spouse to serve a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time the spouses enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, unless both spouses mutually waive the final declaration.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and no one should feel pressed to sit across from a spouse they fear. That subject has its own section below.

Step 1: Deciding to Mediate and Choosing a Mediator

Private divorce mediation depends on both spouses being willing to take part. Neither of you can be made to settle in private mediation, and either of you can decide the process is not working. This is different from the court's custody mediation, which a judge must order when custody or visitation is contested; that is covered in Step 4.

The decision often begins with one spouse raising the idea and the other taking time to consider it. A mediation consultation, as Evidence Code section 1115(c) defines it, is a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of starting, considering or restarting a mediation, or retaining the mediator. Couples in San Diego County and those elsewhere in California considering online mediation go through this same stage of weighing whether the process fits them.

When couples compare mediators, a few qualities tend to matter:

• Neutrality. The mediator works with both spouses and favors neither.
• Familiarity with California family law. Community property, support guidelines and disclosure rules shape every agreement, so a mediator's understanding of them affects how clearly options are framed.
• Process transparency. A clear explanation of how the mediation will run, how documents are handled and how an agreement gets written up.

If either spouse hires an attorney, Evidence Code section 1129 generally requires that attorney (except in the case of a class or representative action) to give the client a printed disclosure of mediation's confidentiality restrictions, and obtain the client's signed acknowledgment, as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate, or as soon as reasonably possible after being retained if the attorney is hired later.

Costs at this step depend on the mediator, any attorneys involved and how many issues are open. This step ends when both spouses have agreed to mediate and chosen a mediator.

Step 2: Gathering Financial Documents and Completing Disclosures

This step tends to feel like the heaviest one, because it asks you and your spouse to put everything on the table in writing. It is also a legal duty that exists whether or not you mediate.

Preliminary declaration of disclosure. Under Family Code section 2104(f), the petitioner (the spouse who files) serves it with the petition or within 60 days of filing, and the respondent (the other spouse) serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner has 30 days from that response. The spouses may extend these times by written agreement, or the court may extend them by order.

Final declaration of disclosure. Under Family Code section 2105(a), except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration, under penalty of perjury, before or at the time the spouses enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. Perjury on the final declaration may be grounds for setting aside all or part of the judgment, along with other remedies the law provides.

Waiver. The final declaration can be waived only by both spouses together. A mutual waiver must be executed under penalty of perjury, in open court or by separate stipulation, and must include the representations Family Code section 2105(d) lists. One spouse cannot waive it alone.

Documents typically relevant include:

• Income records, such as pay stubs and business income records
• Tax returns
• Bank and investment account statements
• Retirement account statements
• Property records, such as deeds and vehicle titles
• Debt records, such as mortgage, loan and credit card statements

Mediation does not let spouses skip, shorten or informally replace these declarations. A fuller list of records appears in the practice's divorce mediation checklist, and the guide to preparing for mediation covers how couples get ready.

Step 3: What Happens During Mediation Sessions

During mediation, the mediator helps you and your spouse talk through each open issue, identify what matters to each of you, and test possible terms. The mediator facilitates. The mediator does not decide, advocate or represent.

The issues commonly worked through include:

• Division of community property and debts
• Spousal support
• Child custody and visitation, set out in a parenting plan
• Child support

Confidentiality. Under Evidence Code section 1119, except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, what is said and written for the purpose of or in the course of a mediation or mediation consultation is generally not admissible or subject to discovery in later civil and other noncriminal proceedings where testimony can be compelled. That protection is not absolute. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement prepared in mediation and signed by the settling spouses can be admitted or disclosed if any of these conditions is met: the agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure; the agreement says it is enforceable or binding; all parties expressly agree to its disclosure in writing, or orally in the way the Evidence Code allows; or it is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute.

Evidence Code section 1121 adds that neither the mediator nor anyone else may submit, and a court may not consider, any report, assessment, evaluation, recommendation or finding about the mediation, other than a report required by court rule or other law that states only whether an agreement was reached, unless all parties expressly agree otherwise.

These Evidence Code rules do not apply to the court's child custody mediation. Evidence Code section 1117(b) excludes proceedings under the Family Code's court mediation chapter beginning with section 3160. Those court proceedings are held in private and are confidential under Family Code section 3177 instead. Private divorce mediation and the court's custody mediation are separate processes.

Step 4: Resolving the Key Issues — Property, Support, and Children

This is the step where the law gives your conversations their shape. Knowing the rules does not settle anything on its own, but it helps both spouses understand what a court would start from.

Community property and debts

California is a community property state. Property and debts acquired during the marriage are generally community property. Under Family Code section 2550, except on the spouses' written agreement, an oral stipulation in open court, or as the Family Code otherwise provides, the court divides the community estate equally. Couples in mediation can agree to terms in writing. The practice's page on property division mediation goes further.

Under Family Code section 2552, the court values assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial, and, on 30 days' notice by the moving party to the other party, may for good cause use a date after separation and before trial.

Separate-property contributions

Under Family Code section 2640(b), unless a spouse has made a written waiver of the right to reimbursement or signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver, that spouse is reimbursed for contributions to the acquisition of community property traced to a separate-property source, without interest or adjustment for change in monetary values, and not more than the property's net value at the time of division. "Contributions" means downpayments, payments for improvements, and payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve the property, not interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes.

Moore/Marsden apportionment is the opposite situation: community money paying down a loan on one spouse's separate-property home. It is a different rule from section 2640.

Businesses and retirement plans

A business's value can include goodwill, and that value is decided on the evidence, often with the help of experts. For retirement plans, Family Code section 2610 directs the court, except as its subdivision (b) provides, to make the orders needed so each spouse receives a full community share of any public or private plan, including survivor and death benefits.

Spousal support

Family Code section 4320 lists circumstances the court considers in ordering spousal support, including the extent to which each spouse's earning capacity is enough to maintain the marital standard of living, the supported spouse's marketable skills, and any impairment of earning capacity from time spent on domestic duties during the marriage. The spousal support mediation page covers these factors more fully.

Child support

Under Family Code section 4065(a), parents may agree on a child support amount, subject to the court's approval, unless federal law prohibits it. The court does not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following: they are fully informed of their rights concerning child support; the order is agreed to without coercion or duress; the agreement is in the children's best interests; the children's needs will be adequately met by the agreed amount; and the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending.

Custody, visitation and the court's mediation

Parents in private mediation may work out a parenting plan together. When a court filing shows that custody or visitation is contested, Family Code section 3170 requires the court to set the contested issues for mediation, and Family Code section 3160 requires each superior court to make a mediator available. In San Diego County, that mediation is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. Under Family Code section 3183(a), except as provided in section 3188, the court's mediator may, consistent with local court rules, make a recommendation to the court on custody or visitation, if the recommendation is first provided in writing to the parties and their attorneys before the hearing. A mediator with that authority is called a child custody recommending counselor; Family Court Services calls this person the Family Court Counselor. Family Court Services says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides. Under Family Code section 3170(b), domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council.

Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice and is not connected with the court or Family Court Services. More on the court process appears on the child custody mediation page.

Step 5: Reaching Agreement and Preparing the Settlement Documents

When you and your spouse reach terms, they are written into a settlement agreement, often called a marital settlement agreement. Signed by both spouses, it can be submitted to the court. Under Evidence Code section 1123, as described in Step 3, a signed agreement can be admitted or disclosed in the situations that section lists, including when it states that it is enforceable or binding.

The agreement does not end the marriage on its own. Its terms are incorporated into a judgment, and the court enters the judgment. Before signing, either spouse may have an attorney of their own review the agreement; neither is required to. The final declaration of disclosure described in Step 2 is due before or at the time of a property or support agreement unless mutually waived as the law allows.

Some couples ask about summary dissolution, a shorter court procedure for qualifying marriages. Its eligibility limits are set by statute and adjusted periodically under Family Code section 2400(b).

Some couples resolve every issue and some resolve only part. A partial agreement can narrow what remains. The divorce mediation agreement guide walks through this stage in more detail.

When Mediation May Not Be the Right Path

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first. Mediation depends on each spouse being able to speak freely and agree without pressure, and no one should be encouraged to mediate with a spouse who has harmed or threatened them. In the court's custody mediation, Family Court Services handles domestic violence cases under the separate protocol described in Step 4.

Mediation may also not fit when one spouse is unwilling to take part or when either spouse cannot share information openly. Saying so is not a judgment on anyone; it reflects that mediation works only when both spouses can take part as equals.

Typical Timeline: What the Six-Month Waiting Period Actually Means

Under Family Code section 2339, a California divorce judgment generally cannot end the marriage until six months have passed from the date the summons and petition are served or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. The court may extend that period for good cause. The clock does not start at filing.

Mediation can take place while the case is pending, before or during that waiting period. Reaching agreement does not shorten it. The court enters the judgment after the waiting period has run and the required documents are filed. How long mediation itself lasts depends on the couple, the number of open issues and how complex the finances are. Mediation may move faster than a court process for some couples, depending on the couple and the issues; it does not always. The divorce mediation timeline page covers this further.

When the process gets complicated

A spouse who is unsure

One spouse is often more ready than the other. Because private mediation is voluntary, a hesitant spouse can take time to consider it, and the process waits for both.

Disagreement on one issue

Couples sometimes agree on the parenting plan but not the house, or the reverse. A partial agreement can settle what is agreed and leave the rest for further mediation or for the court.

Complex finances

A business, several retirement plans or separate-property contributions can call for valuations or tracing, sometimes with outside experts. The disclosure duties apply in full.

Impasse

Sometimes talks stall. Mediation can pause, resume later, or end, and either spouse can seek legal advice of their own at any point.

Talking Through Your Mediation With the Practice

Every step in this guide turns on facts that belong to you and your spouse: which property is community and which is separate, where the disclosures stand, whether children's schedules or support are open, and whether the timing of service has started the six-month clock. A consultation is a place to talk through how mediation would address those issues, what documents bear on them, and whether private mediation fits your circumstances at all. Simple Divorce Mediation works with couples in San Diego County and, online, couples anywhere in California.

When you and your spouse are ready, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 to arrange a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-08.