California Divorce Mediation Checklist: What to Prepare Before, During, and After Each Session

If you and your spouse are preparing for divorce mediation in California, the checklist has five parts. Gather your financial records. Complete the required sworn financial disclosures. List every issue to resolve, including property, debts, support and parenting. Understand what a neutral mediator does and does not do. Then plan how a signed agreement becomes a court judgment.

You may be reading this late at night with a folder of bank statements you have not opened yet. Or you and your spouse may have agreed to try mediation and now be wondering what you have actually signed up for. Most people facing this process have never seen a declaration of disclosure, a parenting plan or a judgment. They are trying to work out what comes first and what they might be missing. This guide walks through those stages in order. It is written for couples in San Diego County and for couples anywhere in California who mediate online.

The guide covers California's legal prerequisites, five working steps, a realistic picture of timing and the situations that make the process more complicated. It explains how the process works. It does not tell you what to do in your own case.

Before You Start: What California Law Requires You to Have Ready

Residency. A judgment of dissolution generally cannot be entered unless one spouse has lived in California for six months and in the filing county for three months immediately before the petition is filed. Family Code section 2320 contains an exception, in subdivision (b), for some same-sex marriages entered in California when neither spouse lives in a jurisdiction that will dissolve the marriage. Where the case is filed depends on where the spouses live, so not every case is filed in the same court.

Grounds. Family Code section 2310 lists two grounds for dissolution or legal separation. The first is irreconcilable differences that have caused the irremediable breakdown of the marriage. The second is permanent legal incapacity to make decisions. Irreconcilable differences is the no-fault ground that most petitions rely on. Neither spouse has to prove that the other did something wrong.

Financial disclosure. A declaration of disclosure is a sworn statement in which each spouse lists their assets, debts, income and expenses for the other spouse. Mediating does not remove this duty, shorten it or replace it with an informal exchange of information.

• Preliminary disclosure: Each spouse serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or the response, or within 60 days of filing it; if the petition was served by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent then files a response, the petitioner has 30 days from that response. The parties can extend that time by written agreement, or the court can extend it by order (Family Code section 2104(f)).
• Final disclosure: Except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration under penalty of perjury. They are due before or at the time the spouses enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support. If the case goes to trial, they are due no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date (Family Code section 2105).
• Waiver: The spouses may waive the final declaration only by mutual agreement. One spouse cannot waive it alone. A mutual waiver must be signed under penalty of perjury, either in open court or by separate stipulation, and it must include specific representations that section 2105 lists.

California law explains the purpose behind these rules. Family Code section 2100 states a public policy of reducing the adversarial nature of divorce by encouraging full disclosure and cooperative discovery.

Lawyers. Either spouse may consult or hire their own attorney at any point in the process. Neither spouse is required to have one, and neither is prohibited from having one. An attorney who represents a spouse in mediation must give that client a printed disclosure explaining mediation confidentiality and obtain the client's signed acknowledgment. The attorney must do this as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate. If the attorney is retained later, the duty applies as soon as reasonably possible after being retained (Evidence Code section 1129). The guide to divorce mediator vs. divorce lawyer explains how the two roles differ.

Step 1: Gather Your Financial Documents

This step is mostly paperwork, and it tends to set the pace for everything that follows. The categories below are the records spouses commonly collect for disclosure and for mediation sessions.

Income - Recent pay stubs - Most recent federal and state tax returns - Profit-and-loss statements for any self-employment

Accounts - Checking and savings account statements covering a meaningful recent period - Brokerage account statements - Retirement account statements, including any 401(k), IRA or pension

Real property - Mortgage statements - Deed or title documents - Any appraisals

For dividing the community estate, the court values assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial. On 30 days' notice and for good cause, the court may value some or all of them at a date after separation and before trial (Family Code section 2552). For that reason, older valuations may need updating.

Debts - Credit card statements - Auto loan documents - Student loan statements - Any personal loans

Business interests - Ownership, tax and financial records for any business either spouse owns or has an interest in

A business's value can include goodwill. Its value is decided on the evidence, often with help from experts.

Insurance - Life, health, auto and homeowners policies

Separate property - Records showing assets one spouse owned before marriage or received by gift or inheritance - Records showing how separate funds moved into community property

Under Family Code section 2640(b), a spouse who traces contributions to the acquisition of community property back to a separate-property source is reimbursed for those contributions, which include downpayments, payments for improvements and payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve the property, but not payments of interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes (Family Code section 2640(a)). That reimbursement is owed unless the spouse has made a written waiver or has signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver. It is paid without interest or adjustment for changes in the value of money, and it may not exceed the net value of the property at the time of division.

Step 2: Identify the Issues You and Your Spouse Need to Resolve

A settlement that leaves out an issue usually means returning to that issue later. A written list helps both spouses see the whole picture before sessions begin.

- Community property and debts. Except upon the spouses' written agreement, their oral stipulation in open court, or as otherwise provided in that division of the Family Code, the court divides the community estate equally (Family Code section 2550). Spouses in mediation can work out how to reach that division, or another division they both accept. - Separate property. Each spouse can identify what they consider separate property and any reimbursement claim under section 2640. - Spousal support (also called alimony). The spouses can discuss whether support will be paid, by whom, in what amount and for how long. Family Code section 4320 lists the circumstances a court considers, including the following: - each spouse's earning capacity compared with the marital standard of living - the supported spouse's marketable skills - any impairment of earning capacity caused by time spent out of work for domestic duties during the marriage - Custody. Legal custody means who makes major decisions for a child. Physical custody means where the child lives. - Child support. This is discussed in Step 4. - Retirement accounts. Dividing some retirement plans can require a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO). A QDRO is a court order that tells a plan administrator how to divide benefits between spouses. - Health insurance. The spouses can decide how coverage for each spouse and for the children will continue after the divorce. - Taxes. The spouses can decide on filing status and on who claims the children as dependents for the transition year.

When a court pleading shows that custody or visitation is contested, the court must set those issues for mediation (Family Code section 3170). In San Diego County, that court process is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. It is separate from private divorce mediation with Simple Divorce Mediation, and the practice is not connected to the court or to any government program.

Step 3: Understand What Happens During Mediation Sessions

The mediator's role is defined in Evidence Code section 1115. Mediation is a process in which a neutral person helps the spouses communicate so they can reach an agreement they both accept. The mediator does not represent either spouse, advocate for either spouse, act as either spouse's lawyer or decide anything for them. If you have heard the term attorney-mediator, the page on the attorney-mediator role explains what it means in general terms.

Confidentiality. Mediation is confidential under Evidence Code section 1119, except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides. In general, what is said and written in a mediation is not admissible or discoverable in later civil proceedings. That protection is not absolute.

Written settlement agreements. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement signed by the spouses can be admitted or disclosed in any of these situations:

• the agreement says it is admissible or subject to disclosure, or words to that effect
• the agreement says it is enforceable or binding, or words to that effect
• all parties expressly agree, in writing or orally as the Evidence Code allows, to its disclosure
• the agreement is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute

Mediation consultations. A mediation consultation is a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of starting, considering or resuming a mediation, or for retaining the mediator (Evidence Code section 1115(c)).

Attorneys during sessions. Either spouse may have an attorney present or available during sessions. Neither spouse is required to.

Safety. Mediation may not be right for every couple. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and no one should feel pressed to mediate with the other spouse. For a step-by-step view of how sessions fit together, see how divorce mediation works.

Step 4: Prepare for Conversations About Children

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Parents often find these the hardest sessions to walk into, because the topic is their children and not only their finances.

What a parenting plan covers - Legal custody - Physical custody - A parenting schedule, including holidays, school breaks and special occasions - How the parents will make decisions about education, health care and extracurricular activities

Child support. California sets child support with a statewide guideline formula. The formula uses each parent's net disposable income and the share of time each parent has primary physical responsibility for the children (Family Code section 4055). Parents may agree on an amount, but the agreement is subject to the court's approval. Under Family Code section 4065(a), the court will not approve an amount below the guideline unless the parents declare all of the following:

1. They are fully informed of their rights concerning child support.
2. The order is being agreed to without coercion or duress.
3. The agreement is in the best interests of the children involved.
4. The needs of the children will be adequately met by the stipulated amount.
5. The right to support has not been assigned to the county, and no public assistance application is pending.

The court's custody mediation. Private mediation and the court's custody mediation are different processes. When custody or visitation is contested, the court sets those issues for mediation (Family Code section 3170). In San Diego County, that mediation takes place with the court's Family Court Services.

Under Family Code section 3183(a), except as provided in section 3188, the court's mediator may submit a recommendation to the court about custody or visitation, consistent with local court rules. The recommendation must first be given in writing to the parties and their attorneys before the hearing. A mediator authorized to do this is called a child custody recommending counselor, and Family Court Services calls this person the Family Court Counselor. Family Court Services says that if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds. The judge decides.

Domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council (Family Code section 3170(b)).

Step 5: Moving from Agreement to Final Judgment

A mediated agreement is not a divorce judgment on its own. It is submitted to the Superior Court of California in the county where the case is filed, and a judge reviews it. In San Diego County, that court is the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego.

Disclosure comes before agreement. The final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration are due before or at the time of the agreement on property or support, unless the court orders otherwise for good cause or the spouses validly waive the final declaration together, as described above.

The six-month waiting period. Under Family Code section 2339, no judgment of dissolution ends the marriage until six months have passed. The six months run from the date the summons and petition are served or the date the respondent appears in the case, whichever occurs first. The court may extend that period for good cause.

The judgment. When the court approves the terms, the process concludes with a judgment of dissolution. That is the court document that ends the marriage once the waiting period has run.

Summary dissolution. Some couples qualify for summary dissolution, a separate, simpler procedure with specific statutory conditions. Its dollar limits are set by statute and adjusted periodically (Family Code section 2400(b)). For a related path, see uncontested divorce mediation. If you are still comparing options, the guide to mediation versus litigation lays out both paths.

Typical timeline

No single timeline applies to every couple. Several pieces are fixed by statute:

• Preliminary disclosure: due with the petition or response, or within 60 days of filing it, unless extended by written agreement or court order.
• Final disclosure: due before or at the time of any property or support agreement, unless the court orders otherwise for good cause or the spouses validly waive it together.
• Waiting period: at least six months from service or the respondent's appearance, whichever comes first.

Everything else depends on the couple. How many issues there are, how complex the finances are and how the conversations go all affect the overall length. Mediation may move at a different pace than court, depending on the couple and the issues. Couples in San Diego divorce mediation and couples mediating online elsewhere in California face the same statutory timing.

When the Process Gets More Complicated

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Domestic violence, coercion or a protective order

Mediation may not be appropriate where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order. In those situations, safety comes first. No one should be encouraged to mediate with the other spouse.

Business interests

A business's value can include goodwill. Its value is decided on the evidence, and that often involves experts. The spouses may need more information before an agreement is realistic.

Separate-property tracing

When one spouse says separate funds paid for or improved community property, documentation carries the claim. Reimbursement under section 2640(b) is subject to the waiver, interest and net-value limits described in Step 1.

Community money and a separate-property home

The Moore/Marsden apportionment addresses the opposite situation from section 2640. It applies when community funds pay down the loan on a home that is one spouse's separate property. The community may then acquire a proportional interest in that home.

Retirement plans

Pensions and 401(k)s may require a QDRO. The terms in the agreement need to match what the plan can administer.

Mediation may not be right for every couple, and partial agreements are possible. If the spouses resolve some issues, the remaining issues can move to another forum. This guide does not cover the details of any particular case.

Talking Through Your Checklist

A checklist shows what to gather, but it cannot show how the disclosure rules, the support guideline or a separate-property claim apply to your marriage in particular. A conversation is where you and your spouse can ask which of these issues apply to you, what records each issue calls for and how the steps from first disclosure to judgment would fit your circumstances, whether you are in San Diego County or mediating online elsewhere in California. If you are still deciding whether mediation fits your situation at all, that question can be part of the conversation too.

To talk through how this applies to your situation, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 for a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-04.