The San Diego Divorce Mediation Process: How It Works Under California Law

In San Diego County, divorce mediation is a process where a neutral mediator helps you and your spouse talk through property, support and parenting so you can reach an agreement you both accept. You still exchange the required financial disclosures, and the court still enters the divorce judgment.

Most people facing this question have already decided, or nearly decided, that the marriage is ending. What they have not decided is how to get through the legal part without turning a hard conversation into a court battle. Perhaps one of you is reading for both of you, trying to learn what mediation actually involves, what California law still asks of you, and where the process stops before you raise it at the kitchen table.

This article walks through the process in the order it tends to unfold: what mediation is, how it sits inside a California divorce case, the disclosure rules, the issues it can cover, how confidentiality works, how the court's own custody mediation differs, and when mediation may not fit. It applies to couples in San Diego County and, through online mediation, to couples anywhere in California.

What Divorce Mediation Is Under California Law

Evidence Code section 1115 defines mediation as "a process in which a neutral person or persons facilitate communication between the disputants to assist them in reaching a mutually acceptable agreement." The same section defines a mediator as "a neutral person who conducts a mediation." Put plainly, a mediator is a neutral guide for the conversation between you and your spouse. Neither of you is the mediator's client in the way a person is a lawyer's client.

That neutral role shapes everything the mediator does. The mediator does not represent either spouse, does not advocate for either side, and does not decide anything for you. The mediator is not either spouse's lawyer, so the mediator does not give either of you legal advice about your own position. The mediator's work is to help both of you communicate, organize the issues, and test whether a proposed solution is one you can both accept.

Either spouse may have a lawyer of their own. Neither of you is required to, and neither of you is barred from doing so. Some couples mediate without separate lawyers. Others have a lawyer review a draft agreement, or attend sessions with them.

Mediation produces a proposed agreement, not a court order. A California divorce still runs through the court, which enters the judgment, and agreements on child support and custody are subject to the court's approval. The general picture of the California divorce process shows where those court steps fall.

One more distinction belongs here at the start. Private divorce mediation, which is what Simple Divorce Mediation does, is separate from the court's own custody mediation run by Family Court Services. The two processes follow different rules, and a later section explains the court's process on its own.

How Mediation Fits Into the California Divorce Case

A California divorce is a court case, and mediation works alongside it rather than replacing it. One spouse files a petition, the other is served and may file a response, and the court eventually enters a judgment. Mediation is where you and your spouse can work out the terms that judgment will contain.

Family Code section 2339 sets the timing floor. Generally, no judgment ending the marriage is final until six months have passed "from the date of service of a copy of summons and petition or the date of appearance of the respondent, whichever occurs first," and the court may extend that period for good cause. The clock does not start when the petition is filed. Mediation can go on during those six months, so the waiting period is often when couples do much of the work.

Family Code section 2550 sets the property framework. Except upon the written agreement of the parties, an oral stipulation in open court, or as the property division otherwise provides, the court divides the community estate equally. Community property, in plain terms, is generally what either spouse acquired during the marriage. Mediation works within that rule, and the written-agreement language is part of why a mediated property settlement can carry weight.

For couples in San Diego County, family law cases are heard by the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego. Where a particular case is filed, and which local rules apply, depends on the spouses' circumstances, including where each of you lives. Couples mediating online from elsewhere in California may file in a different county. The California courts' divorce self-help pages describe the general filing steps.

Financial Disclosure: What California Law Requires Before Any Agreement

Here is a rule that surprises some couples: mediating does not let you skip, shorten or informally replace the declarations of disclosure. A declaration of disclosure is a sworn statement, signed under penalty of perjury on a Judicial Council form, describing your assets, debts and income. The law treats these papers as the foundation for any fair agreement, and mediation builds on them.

Family Code section 2104(f) sets the preliminary deadline. The petitioner serves the preliminary declaration of disclosure with the petition or within 60 days of filing it, and the respondent serves it with the response or within 60 days of filing the response, unless the parties extend that time by written agreement or the court extends it by order. When the petitioner served the summons and petition by publication or posting under a court order and the respondent files a response before a default judgment is entered, the petitioner has 30 days from that response.

Family Code section 2105(a) sets the final deadline. Except by court order for good cause, each spouse serves a final declaration of disclosure and a current income and expense declaration before or at the time you enter into an agreement resolving property or support issues other than temporary support, or, if the case goes to trial, no later than 45 days before the first assigned trial date. The section adds that perjury on the final declaration may be grounds for setting aside the judgment, or parts of it.

The final declaration can be waived, but only by both spouses together. Under Family Code section 2105(d), a mutual waiver is executed under penalty of perjury in open court or by separate stipulation, and it must include the representations that section lists. One spouse alone cannot waive it for the couple.

For a spouse who has never handled the household finances, this stage can feel like the heaviest part. It is also the stage that gives both of you the same set of facts to work from.

What Mediation Can Cover: Property, Support, and Parenting

Each topic in mediation has its own legal rules, and the agreement you reach sits inside them. The general equal-division rule from section 2550 is the starting point for property, and Family Code section 2552 adds a timing point: the court generally values community assets and debts as near as practicable to the time of trial, and for good cause, on 30 days' notice by the moving party, may use a date after separation and before trial. Couples working on property division mediation often spend time agreeing on what each asset is worth and as of when.

Separate-property contributions. Family Code section 2640(b) addresses one spouse's separate money used to acquire community property. Section 2640(a) defines those contributions as downpayments, payments for improvements, and payments that reduce the principal of a loan used to buy or improve the property, but not payments of interest, maintenance, insurance or taxes. The spouse is reimbursed to the extent the contributions are traced to a separate-property source, unless that spouse has made a written waiver of the right to reimbursement or signed a writing that has the effect of a waiver. The reimbursement is paid without interest or adjustment for change in monetary values and may not exceed the net value of the property at the time of the division. Separate money mixed into a bank or retirement account raises a different question, about tracing commingled funds, and community money paying down a loan on one spouse's separate-property home is yet another, separate rule.

A business. A business's value can include goodwill, and its value is decided on the evidence, often with experts.

Retirement plans. Family Code section 2610 directs the court, except as its subdivision (b) provides, to make the orders needed to ensure each spouse receives a full community share of any retirement plan, public or private, including survivor and death benefits.

Spousal support. You and your spouse may address spousal support in mediation, and the court keeps its authority over the support terms in the judgment. Spousal support mediation covers this topic in more depth.

Child support. Parents may agree on child support, but under Family Code section 4065(a) the agreement is subject to the court's approval. The court does not approve an amount below the guideline formula unless the parents declare all of the following: they are fully informed of their rights concerning child support; the order is agreed to without coercion or duress; the agreement is in the best interests of the children; the children's needs will be adequately met by the stipulated amount; and the right to support has not been assigned to the county and no public assistance application is pending. Parents cannot simply pick any number. More on this appears in the page on child support mediation.

Parenting arrangements. You may work out custody and a parenting schedule together in mediation, and the court must approve that agreement. For parents, this is often the part of the process that matters most, and the details of a parenting plan mediation can be worked through at whatever pace the two of you need.

Confidentiality in Private Divorce Mediation

Evidence Code section 1119 is the core confidentiality rule. Except as the Evidence Code's mediation chapter otherwise provides, anything said and any writing prepared for the purpose of, in the course of, or pursuant to a mediation or a mediation consultation is not admissible or subject to discovery in a civil action or other noncriminal proceeding where testimony can be compelled, and communications between participants in the course of the mediation remain confidential. That protection lets you and your spouse talk through options without each sentence becoming evidence later.

The protection is real, but it is not absolute. The chapter has exceptions, and the most important one for divorcing couples concerns the signed agreement itself. Under Evidence Code section 1123, a written settlement agreement prepared in or pursuant to mediation and signed by the settling parties is not protected by the chapter if any of these is true: it says it is admissible or subject to disclosure, or words to that effect; it says it is enforceable or binding, or words to that effect; all parties expressly agree in writing, or orally as the Evidence Code allows, to its disclosure; or it is used to show fraud, duress or illegality relevant to an issue in dispute. Because divorce agreements are usually meant to be binding, they often fall within that second item.

Evidence Code section 1115(c) defines a mediation consultation as a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of initiating, considering or reconvening a mediation or retaining the mediator. Whether a particular conversation fits that definition depends on its facts.

When a spouse has a lawyer, Evidence Code section 1129 adds a step. The lawyer must give the client a printed disclosure of the section 1119 confidentiality restrictions as soon as reasonably possible before the client agrees to participate, or as soon as reasonably possible after being retained if retained later, and obtain the client's signed acknowledgment.

Finally, under Evidence Code section 1117(b), this whole chapter does not apply to the court's child custody mediation. That process has its own confidentiality rule, covered next.

Child Custody Mediation in San Diego County: How the Court's Process Works

Not all family law mediation is voluntary. Under Family Code section 3170(a), when a petition or other pleading shows that custody, visitation or both are contested, "the court shall set the contested issues for mediation." Family Code section 3160 requires each superior court to make a mediator available.

In San Diego County, that court mediation is child custody recommending counseling with the court's Family Court Services. Family Code section 3183(a) provides that, except as section 3188 provides, the court's mediator may, consistent with local court rules, submit a recommendation to the court about custody or visitation if the mediator first gives it in writing to the parties and their attorneys, including counsel for any minor children, before the hearing. A mediator authorized to do this is called a child custody recommending counselor, and Family Court Services calls this person the Family Court Counselor. According to Family Court Services, if no agreement is reached, the counselor makes a recommendation and the court hearing proceeds.

That means the court's counselor can influence the outcome, though the judge decides. Under Family Code section 3170(b), domestic violence cases are handled by Family Court Services under a separate written protocol approved by the Judicial Council. Under Family Code section 3177, these proceedings are held in private and are confidential, and that section, not Evidence Code section 1119 or 1123, governs them.

Parents sometimes assume private mediation and court custody mediation are the same thing. They are not. Simple Divorce Mediation is a private practice with no connection to the court, Family Court Services or any government program. The page on child custody mediation explains the court process further, and the California courts' mediation overview describes court programs generally.

When Mediation May Not Be the Right Path

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Mediation may not be right for every couple. It depends on both spouses being able to speak for themselves, share information honestly and make choices freely. Where there has been domestic violence, coercion or a protective order, safety comes first, and sitting down to negotiate with the other spouse is not something anyone should be encouraged to do. The court's custody process has its own protocol for those cases, described above.

Other situations call for an honest look too. If one spouse is hiding information or cannot take part freely, the conditions mediation relies on may not be present. Some couples reach a partial agreement and leave the remaining issues for the court.

Mediation may take less time, cost less or feel less stressful than going to court for some couples, depending on the couple and the issues. It does not promise any of those things. What it offers is a structured way for you and your spouse to make the decisions yourselves, with the law's rules still in place around you. When it works, the result becomes the divorce mediation agreement that goes to the court.

If You'd Like to Talk Through How Mediation Would Work for You

Every divorce raises its own mix of issues: a house bought partly with one spouse's earlier savings, a retirement plan, a business, a parenting schedule that has to work around two jobs. A conversation with the practice is a place to ask how the steps in this article would apply to your situation, from the disclosure timeline to which issues you and your spouse may be close to agreeing on. Simple Divorce Mediation is a private mediation practice, not part of the court or Family Court Services, and it serves couples in San Diego County and, online, couples anywhere in California.

To talk through how mediation could work for you and your spouse, call Simple Divorce Mediation at 858-330-1378 to arrange a joint mediation consultation.

About this article. Reviewed by Amy J. Lass, CA Bar No. 246779. Last updated 2026-10-04.